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Pigs is Pigs by Ellis Parker Butler
page 2 of 14 (14%)
calmness spoke slowly but with intense sarcasm.

"Pets," he said "P-e-t-s! Twenty-five cents each. There are two of them.
One! Two! Two times twenty-five are fifty! Can you understand that? I
offer you fifty cents."

Flannery reached for the book. He ran his hand through the pages and
stopped at page sixty four.

"An' I don't take fifty cints," he whispered in mockery. "Here's the rule
for ut. 'Whin the agint be in anny doubt regardin' which of two rates
applies to a shipment, he shall charge the larger. The con-sign-ey may
file a claim for the overcharge.' In this case, Misther Morehouse, I be in
doubt. Pets thim animals may be, an' domestic they be, but pigs I'm blame
sure they do be, an' me rules says plain as the nose on yer face, 'Pigs
Franklin to Westcote, thirty cints each.' An' Mister Morehouse, by me
arithmetical knowledge two times thurty comes to sixty cints."

Mr. Morehouse shook his head savagely. "Nonsense!" he shouted, "confounded
nonsense, I tell you! Why, you poor ignorant foreigner, that rule means
common pigs, domestic pigs, not guinea pigs!"

Flannery was stubborn.

"Pigs is pigs," he declared firmly. "Guinea-pigs, or dago pigs or Irish
pigs is all the same to the Interurban Express Company an' to Mike
Flannery. Th' nationality of the pig creates no differentiality in the
rate, Misther Morehouse! 'Twould be the same was they Dutch pigs or
Rooshun pigs. Mike Flannery," he added, "is here to tind to the expriss
business and not to hould conversation wid dago pigs in sivinteen
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