mother-in-law, blessed with nerves, pours out upon her son-in-law. But I
leave the discussion of such things to weaker birds, and soar myself to
a higher kind, _i.e._, that Protection which is diametrically opposed to
Free Trade.

Protection, in this sense, is--well, let me follow my own admirable
example, and illustrate: You own a coal mine in Pennsylvania, which
contains tolerably poor coal, with which you mix a proper amount of
stone, and then sell the mixture for a high price. ICHABOD BLUE-NOSE
owns a coal mine in Nova Scotia, which furnishes good coal; he puts no
slate in it, and yet sells it at a low figure. You reflect that with
such opposition you will never manage to dispose of all your stone, so
you apply to Congress, and have a high tariff put on coal. That's
Protection. Metaphysically defined, Protection is the natural right,
inherent in every American citizen, to obtain money in large quantities
for goods of small qualities.

Protection is not a natural production; it was invented about the time
taxes were, though it must be admitted that those very annoying articles
appeared very early in the history of the human race. I've no doubt that
ADAM levied taxes, though it's very doubtful if he could put as many
things in a tax levy as a New York politician can. Certainly there was a
very high tariff on apples in his day--so high that humanity has not yet
succeeded in paying off the duty on the one ADAM ate. ABRAHAM paid
taxes, and, as he was his own Senate and House, doubtless he passed a
tariff bill to suit himself, and had any quantity of Protection. I have
always regretted that NOAH didn't pass a bill protecting native
industry, because he could have enforced it, and had no wrangling about
it.