Goodness! is it only ugly men that can marry? I want to marry and settle
down; for I am so slighted in society that I look with envy upon homely
or mis-shapen men.

But who will have me? I put it to you, my friend, if it isn't a hard
case. I want an intelligent and agreeable wife, and one that comes of a
respectable family. I don't think I am asking too much, but it seems
fate has determined such a one I can never have! I have either to remain
single, or take one that is "ignorant and vulgar." That, of course,
would be as much remarked upon as my appearance, so it cannot be thought
of.

I want to escape observation and criticism. I think strongly of
emigrating to the Rocky Mountains, donning a rough garb, and digging for
gold, in the hope of getting round-shouldered; or hiring myself out as a
wood-chopper, in anticipation of a chip flying up and taking off part of
my obnoxious nose.

If there were no women around, I might escape notice out there. But if
one happened to come along, I should be obliged to leave, for her eyes
would ferret out my unfortunate peculiarities, and all my wounds would
be opened afresh. Sometimes I think there is no spot on the globe where
I would be welcomed; and I feel inclined to commit some desperate deed,
that I may be arrested and confined out of the sight of man and
woman-kind, until I am aged and bent enough to be presentable.

* * * * *

OUR PORTFOLIO.