(_Fact is, Fanny has a thick shawl, and it would be so nice to share it
with Frank._)]

* * * * *

OUR PORTFOLIO.

DEAR PUNCHINELLO: I see you have been at the White Sulphur Springs; but
you forgot to tell us what we were all dying to hear about the waters.
Several friends had suggested that I should go to some watering place
where I could get nothing else but water to drink, or to some spring
where I couldn't get "sprung." I tried the White Sulphur, and while
there learned some facts that may be useful to others who seek them for
a similar purpose.

These springs differ from the European springs in that they were not
discovered by the Romans. The Latin conquerors never roamed so far, and
it was perhaps a good thing for them that they didn't, Sulphur water
could not have agreed with Romans any more than it agrees with Yankees
who take whiskey with it. I was asked if I would like to analyse the
water, (as everything here is done by analysis under the eye of the
resident physician.) _My_ analysis was done entirely under the nose.

I raised a glass of the enchanted fluid to my lips: but my nose said
very positively, "Don't do it," and I didn't. I told my conductor I had
analyzed it, and he seemed not a little astonished at the rapidity and
simplicity of the method. He asked me if I would be kind enough to write
out a statement of the result after the manner of Dr. HAYES, Prof.
ROGERS, and others who have examined these waters and testified that
they would cure everything but hydrophobia. I told him I would, and