and one speckled hen of mature years to poise observingly on single leg
at the head of the shapeless black dog asleep at the sunny end of the
low wooden stoop. It is the one rural spot on earth where a call for
fresh eggs evokes remonstrative and chronic denial; where chickens for
dinner are sternly discredited as mere freaks of legendary romance, and
an order for a glass of new milk is incredulously answered by a
tumblerful of water which tastes of whitewash-brush. Whosoever sleeps
there of a night shall be crowded by walls which rub off into a faint
feather-bed of the flavor and consistency of geese used whole, and have
for his feverish breakfast in the morning a version of broiled ham as
racy of attic-salt as the rasher of BACON'S essays. And to him who pays
his bill there, ere he straggles weakly forth to repair his shattered
health by frenzied flight, shall be given in change such hoary ten-cent
shreds of former postal currency as he has not hitherto deemed credible,
sticking together in inextricable conglomeration by such fragments of
fish-scales as he never before believed could be gathered by handled
small-money from palms not sufficiently washed after piscatorial
diversion.

It was in at a country hotel, then, that the young Southern pedestrian
turned for temporary rest and a meal, and pitiless was the
cross-examination instituted by the inevitable lank, middle-aged gristly
man, before he could reconcile it with his duty as a cautious public
character to reveal the treasures of the larder. Those bumps on the
head, that swollen eye, and nose, came--did they?--from swinging this
here club for exercise. Well, he wanted to know, now! People generally
used two of the clubs at once--did they?--but one was enough for a
beginner. Well, he _wanted_ to know, now! Could he supply a couple of
poached eggs and a cup of milk? No, young man; but a slice of corned
pork and a bowl of tea were within the resources of the establishment.