"Ah! I had touched the right chord at last. His brow contracted and his
lips twitched convulsively."

"And when that mother put you in your little bed," I continued, "she
kissed you, and hoped you would grow up a--"

"You lie," said he, "she didn't. The old woman was six foot under ground
afore I could chaw. Now, look a here, you're the fourth chap that's
tried the 'mother' dodge on me. Why don't you fellers" he added with a
malicious grin, "go back on the mother business, and give the old man a
chance, jest for a change?"

"After the above scurvy treatment I was naturally anxious to witness the
man's funeral, which I understood was to be a gorgeous affair, six
respectably-attired females having been sworn in to kiss the body, amid
the hysteric weeps of three more in the background."

* * * * *

[Illustration: PRACTICAL.

_Housewife._ "VAKE YOU UP, HANS--HERE'S ANODER BRUSSIAN VICTORY."

_Hans, (dreamily.)_ "ANODER BRUSSIAN VICTORY?--DEN LET US HAVE ANODER
BRUSSIAN BIER."]

* * * * *

Hot and Cold.