Drum and Fife.
Small boys.
Apple-women.
Drum.

The Enlightened candidate for the Vituperator was the first on the
stand. He rushed forward and said:--

"The Vituperative candidate of the Intelligent let fall in a former
speech some subtle or carefully worded innuendoes as to my character. I
have only to say that his speech was a tissue of falsehood. I will
trespass upon your patience further, to add that JONES is an infernal
bummer and a sneak. If he is not, my fellow-citizens, why then I am.
(Indignant cries of 'That's so!') My friends, you cannot doubt this
reasoning. The facts are then conclusive. Either he is a bummer, or I
am. It is therefore your duty, on the 8th November, to elect me at once
and in fact to the office of Vituperator, and prospectively to those of
Mayor, Governor, and President of the United States." (Prolonged
cheering.)

Mr. DE MAGOG, a very giant of eloquence, a Gog as well as Magog of
oratory, next set the enlightened agog with a speech.

"Fellow-citizens! Men and Brothers! Victory or defeat! Liberty or death!
Glorious republic! Stars and Stripes! Down with the traitor! To the
polls! Red fire--blood and thunder"--(voice drowned in shouts of wild
enthusiasm.)

The Eye-witness, meantime, had become distracted with harassing doubts.
Subscribing fully to the politics of PUNCHINELLO, which is the only