"When the 16th commendment passes," said sweet ELIZER HEMPIHL, who is
too pooty to be caught in sich company, "we will call for your skalp,
old man."

"Which topnot," was my reply, "wouldent furnish hair enough for a false
eyebrow."

I see they was goin, so I said:--

"My week-minded and misgided femails, hold your hosses a minnit, until
an old statesman, who has served his country for 4 yeer as Gustise of
the Peece, says a few remarks to you."

"When woman was taken out of man's ribs, it wasent calkilated she should
lower herself by mixin into such dirty bizziness, as you are up to
to-day. Woman in her natural element, is jest one of the _soothinest_
institutions in this ere land, which flows with milk-punch and
houey-sope, and what poor miserable critters man would be without her.

"Who would nuss our offspring, if it wasent for wimmen?

"Who would cheer our fireside, if it wasent for wimmen?

"Who would cook our vittles, if it wasent for wimmen?

"And who would haul off our butes nites, when we come home tired and
demoralized, after havin a sett-to with lager-beer and sweitzer?

"Agin, I remark, if it wasent for woman in her onadulterated state,
before she had been made a tarnal fool of by these ere despoilers of