[Illustration: A BAD LOOK OUT.

_Paterfamilias (reading)._ "IT APPEARS FROM THIS PAPER THAT TURKEY IS
LIKELY TO BE ENTIRELY GOBBLED UP BY RUSSIA."

_Alitmentive Youth._ "THEN WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO ABOUT THANKSGIVING
DAY?"]

* * * * *

ONCE UPON A TIME THERE WAS A MAN.

A THRILLING TALE.

WITH EXPLANATORY NOTES.

CHAPTER I.

_Once._--In serious literature you cannot be too exact. You will notice
that I say once, not twice or thrice, and you will find that that is a
very important point at once. Thus, you might put your hand under a
trip-hammer once, but not twice. You might take a trip on a Mississippi
steamer, or an Erie train, once. You might go to the Legislature or
Congress and be honest once. You might get a seat in a horse-car once.
You might be civilly treated by a public official once. You might lend
an umbrella, or indulge in the luxury of a lawsuit, or persuade your
better half that you are only tired when you are really beery, once;
but, I assure you, that your chance of doing any of those things twice
is decidedly slim. If you do any of them once and don't find yourself in
Greenwood, the alms-house, or matrimonial hot water, retire on your