Because he was a great Roman--Sir.

* * * * *

[Illustration: HAD HIM THERE.

_Brown._ "BET YOU FIFTY DOLLARS THE WAR IS OVER IN FRANCE IN FIVE DAYS."

_Smith._ "BET YOU A HUNDRED IT ISN'T."

_Brown._ "SHELL OUT YOUR HUNDRED--THE WAR IS OVER THERE NOW, ISN'T
IT?--HA! HA! HA!"]

* * * * *

LETTER FROM A SCHOOLMASTER.

MR. PUNCHINELLO: Respected Sir:--I am a schoolmaster, and in
investigating, for the benefit of my pupils (number limited; English and
classical courses; French and guitar extra; scholars bring their own
slippers and tooth-brushes; privileges of a home, etc., etc.), the vast
arena of Science, applied and unapplied, I have found that there are
many things that the world does not yet know. This may surprise you, but
it is nevertheless true. Through the medium of your valuable journal I
propose to give to the world, to which we all owe so much, a few hints
in regard to the deficiencies of Science, and thus place these, my
carefully nurtured ideas, at the service of my race.

It is to be presumed that there are but few persons who have not