matters of that kind; but that is a child's fancy, my dear.
Nothing is to be depended on but the great hippopotamus test. If
you have a hippopotamus major in your brain, you are no ape, though
you had four hands, no feet, and were more apish than the apes of
all aperies. But if a hippopotamus major is ever discovered in one
single ape's brain, nothing will save your great-great-great-great-
great-great-great-great-great-great-great-greater-greatest-
grandmother from having been an ape too. No, my dear little man;
always remember that the one true, certain, final, and all-
important difference between you and an ape is, that you have a
hippopotamus major in your brain, and it has none; and that,
therefore, to discover one in its brain will be a very wrong and
dangerous thing, at which every one will be very much shocked, as
we may suppose they were at the professor.--Though really, after
all, it don't much matter; because--as Lord Dundreary and others
would put it--nobody but men have hippopotamuses in their brains;
so, if a hippopotamus was discovered in an ape's brain, why it
would not be one, you know, but something else.

But the professor had gone, I am sorry to say, even further than
that; for he had read at the British Association at Melbourne,
Australia, in the year 1999, a paper which assured every one who
found himself the better or wiser for the news, that there were
not, never had been, and could not be, any rational or half-
rational beings except men, anywhere, anywhen, or anyhow; that
nymphs, satyrs, fauns, inui, dwarfs, trolls, elves, gnomes,
fairies, brownies, nixes, wills, kobolds, leprechaunes,
cluricaunes, banshees, will-o'-the-wisps, follets, lutins, magots,
goblins, afrits, marids, jinns, ghouls, peris, deevs, angels,
archangels, imps, bogies, or worse, were nothing at all, and pure