speared another waffle, and said: "I know you will think I am nutty, but
for almost ten years I have had a block of stock in a circus and
menagerie. I went into it to help some young circus fellows, and put up
quite a bunch of money, because they were honest and poor, and for a few
years things went wrong, and I thought my money was gone, but for the
last six years the circus has paid dividends bigger than Standard Oil,
and today it stands away up among the financial successes, and the
dividends on my citrus stock is better than any bank stock I have got,
and it comes just like finding money. The company decided at its annual
meeting to invite me to take the position of one of the managers, and I
shall soon go to the winter quarters of the show, to arrange to put it
on the road about the 1st of May. Now any remarks may be made, pro or
con, in regard to my sanity, see?"

Well, ma swallowed something crosswise down her Sunday throat, and
choked, and pa swatted her on the back so she would cough it up, and
when she could speak she said: "Pa, do you have to wear tights, and jump
through hoops on the back of a horse, and cut up didoes, at your time of
life? For if you do I can never live to witness any such performances."

[Illustration: Pa Swatted Her on the Back.]

Pa was calm, and did not fly off the handle, but he just said, kindly:
"Mother, you have vague ideas of the duties of the owners of a circus.
The owners hire performers to do stunts, and break their necks, while we
manage them and take in the shekels from the Reubens who come into town
on circus day. We proprietors touch the button, and the actors and
animals do the rest. I shall be a director who directs, a man who sets a
dignified and pious example to the men and women who adorn the
profession, coming as they do from all climes, and your pa will be the