The Life of John Bunyan by Edmund Venables
page 30 of 149 (20%)
page 30 of 149 (20%)
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At this time he fell in with an old tattered copy of Luther's "Commentary
on the Galatians," "so old that it was ready to fall piece from piece if I did but turn it over." As he read, to his amazement and thankfulness, he found his own spiritual experience described. "It was as if his book had been written out of my heart." It greatly comforted him to find that his condition was not, as he had thought, solitary, but that others had known the same inward struggles. "Of all the books that ever he had seen," he deemed it "most fit for a wounded conscience." This book was also the means of awakening an intense love for the Saviour. "Now I found, as I thought, that I loved Christ dearly. Oh, methought my soul cleaved unto Him, my affections cleaved unto Him; I felt love to Him as hot as fire." And very quickly, as he tells us, his "love was tried to some purpose." He became the victim of an extraordinary temptation--"a freak of fancy," Mr. Froude terms it--"fancy resenting the minuteness with which he watched his own emotions." He had "found Christ" and felt Him "most precious to his soul." He was now tempted to give Him up, "to sell and part with this most blessed Christ, to exchange Him for the things of this life; for anything." Nor was this a mere passing, intermittent delusion. "It lay upon me for the space of a year, and did follow me so continually that I was not rid of it one day in a month, no, not sometimes one hour in many days together, except when I was asleep." Wherever he was, whatever he was doing day and night, in bed, at table, at work, a voice kept sounding in his ears, bidding him "sell Christ" for this or that. He could neither "eat his food, stoop for a pin, chop a stick, or cast his eyes on anything" but the hateful words were heard, "not once only, but a hundred times over, as fast as a man could speak, 'sell Him, sell Him, sell Him,'" and, like his own Christian in the dark valley, he could not determine whether they were suggestions of the |
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