"I grabbed a book on 'Pink Animals I Have Met' and flew to the rescue.
When I got to the cot there was Edward's cherubic mug peeping out from
under about four miles of nice clean bandages and an attendant sitting
daintily on his chest. When he saw me he calmed down and dismissed the
menagerie for the nonce. 'Dearie,' he said, taking my shrinking little
hand in his, 'it was awful. It's only by mere chance that you find me
custodian of this Reptile Bazar instead of one of these "mangled
remains" things. It was this way. I had been down to the bar lapping up
a few drinks and pretty soon a band comes up the street. I go out to
look it over and there is nothing in sight, so I go back and get Arthur
to mix me up another to see if it won't make me feel better. I drink
that and hear the band again. I run out just in time to see it hiding
behind the post. It's bum harmony at that, so I go upstairs to take a
nap.

"'I'm lying there on the bed when all of a sudden the door opens and in
marches twelve little soldiers, about six inches high, dressed in blue
pants and red coats. They climb and start to pull off a zouave drill on
the foot of the bed. That made me sour, for I don't feel like a military
pageant, so I lift up my foot and kick them out on the floor. The
soldiers don't say a word, but jump up and climb out through the
transom. In about five minutes the door opens and in marches the whole
army, all about six inches high. Gee, there must have been a million of
them, for all I could see was blue pants and red coats. I'm lying there
on the bed, taking it all in, when up rides a dinky little officer on a
horse. He salutes me and I salute him, just to let them know that there
wasn't any hard feeling. Then he says, "I am glad to state that you have
but one life to lose for your country; therefore we are going to shoot
you." Well, you know me, Dearie. I jumped out of the window. The next