From the apparel I am purchasing you'd think I was wardrobe mistress for
a number two 'Talk of New York' company. If I don't make those canned
goods drummers in front of the Palace Hotel think there is something in
town besides a 'Tom' show I hope I never see Broadway again.

"Then along toward afternoon I climb into some chic frock--get
that?--and taxey down here to look things over. Say, maybe you don't
think this butterfly existence is all to the berries. The other evening
I kicked down to a show I once worked in and, believe me, if some of
those dames knew what they looked like from the front they certainly
would rush out and hide in the cow lot.

"Honest, there is one doll who thinks she has got every prize beauty in
the country biting her finger nails with jealousy. Well, she came out,
led out at that. I nearly dropped dead in my seat. You know that I am
not a knocker, and there is nothing I hate worse than to hear one lady
pan another behind her back, so I will merely make this statement. If
this person would stop trying to use up all the number 18 in the block,
would get operated on for knock-knees, have her face changed and stop
trying to be a very dear friend to the whole bald-headed department
during the opening chorus, she'd be all right and might get a job with a
medicine show. I know how she keeps her job all right, all right. I
ain't mentioning any names, but a certain party, old enough to be her
grandfather, had to put money into the show before they would even let
her have her voice tried. I was out to dinner with the same crowd that
she was with the other evening. Arthur and I were sitting at the table
in the restaurant waiting for the rest of the crowd when in she canters,
dressed up regardless like a queen in a book, in a low-neck gag. She run
a bluff as if she just had it made, but if a certain K. & E. wardrobe
mistress ever catches her with it on this party is due to get pinched