the guys said, 'Yes, dearie, I know it, but it is after 1 o'clock now
and that place is closed.' Then little Bright Eyes beat it and we all
had a real nice evening after that. Oh! She's a smooth one, all right;
she nearly made me lose my job once if it hadn't been that the stage
manager was carrying my suitcase I would have been decorated with my
little two weeks out in the wilds somewhere. You see it was this way: We
had a tree, not the one Arthur owned, but another, and one of the
comedians had to stand inside of it for about fifteen minutes before he
could make his entrance--laughing number--this was only a dinky little
place and only had one small airhole. Well, this foxy dame stuffed this
airhole full of limberger cheese, so when it came time for his entrance
instead of coming forth blithe and gay as per book, the comedian came
out looking as if he had apoplexy, the same naturally causing the
merry-merry to giggle ad lib. Did you ever see a wild fish? Honest, when
that man came off I thought he was going to commit murder; what he said
on the subject is not for me to repeat. Right in the middle of the
harangue this dame remarks, 'I think it was Sabrina.'

"The next think she thunk was to wonder who let go of the asbestos
curtain, for I happened to overhear that 'aside' and bounced a
stage-brace on her think tank. If she had gone on again that night it
would have been in a wheeled chair. Another stunt she did was to put
lampblack all over the tenor's glove and he wiped it off on the prima's
shoulders so she looked like a zebra in a bathing suit, and every time
she would tell the firemen when the chorus men were getting fresh
courage by smoking cigarettes in their dressing rooms, but that is all
over now and my stage career is ended until I spend all this surplus
cash. I take it on the run for that dear Kansas tomorrow, so I think I
will go and see if Estelle has finished packing. Try and be good while I
am gone, and if anything happens for goodness sake wire me, for out in