his wife--we call it a tea because there wasn't any there. We were all
sitting around panning those who were not among those present, until at
last one of the girls who didn't dare leave till the party broke up
suggested that we go down to the park and take a skate. The hostess was
real nice. She suggested that it wasn't necessary to beat it clear down
there to get a skate, as she had some in the house, and if we drank that
up the Dutchman on the corner knew she was good for any amount within
reason. But we didn't mean what she meant, so we departed. Going down I
became perhaps a little too excited over the coming event and went to
some length to inform the assembled skirts that when it came to cutting
ice I, not seeking to boast, but I was there, forte, and such pastimes
as writing names or doing Dutch rolls I considered rudimentary in the
skating number and only performed by the immature.

"I may have overestimated my ability some, for I had never been on
skates before in my life, but I'm no piker and I follow that old
principle of willing to try anything once, so when it came time I let
the boy put the skates on without a murmur, and was assisted to the ice
by about six or eight eager hands. Say, I looked out at the gang gliding
about, gave the signal to let go the ropes and took the fatal step.
Curtain. Say, I went round so fast both skates clinched in my marcel
wave. Would you believe it, there wasn't hardly any one in sight when I
started falling, but before I got through the police had to move the
crowd on. The only thing I could do gracefully was to throw a faint. I
turned one loose until somebody tried to force a glass between my teeth
and then I came to, but it was only water, so I had a relapse. Then a
nice gent kicked in with a flask and I came to. Maybe you think those
artful kidders didn't hand it to me. Anybody but a lady would have lost
her temper and cursed them. But I told them where to get off, and don't
you forget it, but I used no language that would have led people to