himself measured it with his professional yard-stick, and cut it with
his private scissors. This, however, is a subject that belongs not to
old comedy, but to the extremely modern comedy of New York society. The
two resemble each other only so far as they are fashionable and dull.

But to our WALLACKIAN old comedy. The curtain rises upon the veteran
GILBERT and the handsome ROCKWELL. They converse in the following style:

GILBERT.--"Well, you young dog, ha! ha! So you have decided to make your
old uncle happy by marrying my neighbor's daughter. Gad! I remember my
own wedding-day. Well, well; we won't talk about that now, but hark ye,
you young villain, if you don't marry the girl, I cut you off with a
shilling."

ROCKWELL.--"My dear uncle, I can have no greater pleasure than to fulfil
your wishes. But suppose our adorable young neighbor has the
ill-breeding to refuse me."

GILBERT.--"Refuse you! Refuse my nephew? Gad! I'd like to see THOMAS
OLDBOY permit his daughter to refuse my nephew! I'd--d--e, I'd--"
(chokes and stamps with rage.)

Further on we meet with Miss OLDBOY and her mother,--the latter a stout
old lady, addicted to smelling salts and yellow silks.

LYDIA OLDBOY.--"To-day I am expecting the arrival of young WILDOATS, who
comes to pay his addresses to me. I wonder if he is like that dear,
delightful THADDEUS OF WARSAW."

Mrs. OLDBOY.--"Now, Miss, remember that your honored father insists upon