_Q._ Then, sir, you are trifling with the Court. Do you understand the
obligations of an oath? _A._ I do.

_Q._ Beware, then, that you are not committed for perjury. Is your
gas-metre ever frozen? _A._ Yes, sir.

_Q._ What do you use when the gas will not burn? _A._ Candles.

_Q._ How many to the pound? _A._ Nine.

_Q._ How do you know there are nine to the pound? _A._ They are sold as
nines.

_Q._ Then you never weighed them yourself? _A._ No, sir.

_Counsel_, to the _Court_. May it please your Honor, this is the second
time that this witness has positively testified, under solemn oath, to
important points of which he has no certain knowledge. I ask the Court
for protection for myself and my client.

Here a long discussion took place between the lawyers and the Judge, and
at the end of it the case was postponed for four months. I suppose it is
expected that I will then re-ascend the witness-stand; but I have
determined that when I enter a court-room again I shall appear as a
criminal. These fellows have much the easiest times, and they run so
little risk, nowadays, that their position is far preferable to that of
the unfortunate witnesses.

J. BADGER.