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Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 153, September 12, 1917 by Various
page 31 of 54 (57%)
His name I do not remember.

Our neighbours were very pleasant people, kindly and simple. There was a
half-witted youth called Krop. He used to fill his mouth with large
brass-headed nails. I did not dare to go near him, for he always tried
to bite my arms. One day I learned that he had died. My grandmother
bought me black silk mittens to wear at his funeral. I was very proud,
and ran out into the road to show them to the other children. But in my
haste I split them across from seam to seam, and my grandmother whipped
me and put me to bed.

My grandmother's chief friend was a woman who sold toasted cheese. It
was her custom to bring round the delicacy on a small hand-cart and sell
to the children for a few kopecks. This woman was reputed to be very
rich. She was not beautiful, for she had no teeth, and had hair on her
face. The first time I saw her I ran into the house and hid behind the
large barrel of butter-milk. My grandmother took me by the ear and led
me to her friend.

"This is Ilonoka," she said. "She is a good girl."

I remember that I cried very loud.

Afterwards my grandmother told me that perhaps the woman would leave me
all her money. Next time she came I wished to speak to her, but
unfortunately I had a quinsy. When the woman eventually died it was
discovered that she had been destitute for a long time. She left her
hand-cart by will to my grandmother, and in her disappointment my
grandmother beat me over the head with it. Soon afterwards my hair began
to come out, and my grandmother said it was time I found a husband.
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