devoted, to so frivolous an object. In Berners Street there lived an
elderly lady, who, for no reason that can be ascertained, had excited
the animosity of the young Theodore Hook, who was then just of age. Six
weeks were spent in preparation, and three persons engaged in the
affair. Letters were sent off in every direction, and Theodore Hook's
autograph, if it could have any value, must have been somewhat low in
the market at that period, from the number of applications which he
wrote. On the day in question he and his accomplices seated themselves
at a window in Berners Street, opposite to that unfortunate Mrs.
Tottenham, of No 54, and there enjoyed the fun. Advertisements,
announcements, letters, circulars, and what not, had been most freely
issued, and were as freely responded to. A score of sweeps, all 'invited
to attend professionally,' opened the ball at a very early hour, and
claimed admittance, in virtue of the notice they had received. The
maid-servant had only just time to assure them that all the chimneys
were clean, and their services were not required, when some dozen of
coal-carts drew up as near as possible to the ill-fated house. New
protestations, new indignation. The grimy and irate coalheavers were
still being discoursed with, when a bevy of neat and polite individuals
arrived from different quarters, bearing each under his arm a splendid
ten-guinea wedding-cake. The maid grew distracted; her mistress was
single, and had no intention of doubling herself; there must be some
mistake; the confectioners were dismissed, in a very different humour to
that with which they had come. But they were scarcely gone when crowds
began to storm the house, all 'on business.' Rival doctors met in
astonishment and disgust, prepared for an _accouchement_; undertakers
stared one another mutely in the face, as they deposited at the door
coffins made to order--elm or oak--so many feet and so many inches; the
clergymen of all the neighbouring parishes, high church or low church,
were ready to minister to the spiritual wants of the unfortunate