to all comers, at all hours, under any conditions. For this, and for
the fact that he could cook under water, and would turn out hot meals
when other _chefs_ were committing suicide, much was forgiven him,
but he was prone to look upon the _vin_ when it was _rouge_ and was
habitually coated an inch thick with a varnish of soot and pot-black.
One morning he calmly hove himself over the parapet and, in spite of
the earnest attentions of Hun snipers, remained there long enough to
collect sufficient _débris_ to boil his dixies. Next day the Bosch
_Funny Cuts_ flared forth scareheads:--

"SAVAGES ON THE SOMME.

"The desperate and unprincipled British are employing black
cannibal Zulus in the defence of their system. Yesterday one of
them, a chief of incredibly depraved appearance, was observed
scouting in the open."

The communiqué ended with a treatise on the Zulu, its black man-eating
habits, and an exhortation to "our old Brandenburgers" not to be
dismayed.

PATLANDER.

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[Illustration: OWING TO PRESSURE FROM THE ALL-HIGHEST, HIS ORIENTAL
ALLY IS FORMING A MAGIC-CARPET BOMBING SQUADRON.]

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