which that unclean sheet would publish. Think of all these things, my
friends, and then step into the box-office on your way out and sign the
total abstinence pledge. The ushers will now make a collection for the
support of the temperance cause. Mr. MOLLENHAUER will please lead the
audience in singing that beautiful temperance anthem--"

"'Cold water is the only thing
Worth loving here below;
The man who won't its praises sing,
Will straight to Hades go.'"

Now, for one, I don't like this improved version of "RIP." Of course,
the Temperance Reformers will construe this expression of opinion into
an admission that every man, woman, or advocate of female suffrage, who
has ever written a line for PUNCHINELLO is a confirmed drunkard. In
spite of this probability, I still have the courage to maintain that so
long as Mr. JEFFERSON is an artist, and not a temperance lecturer, he
need not mix up the drama with the Temperance Reform, or any other
hobby. If he is to be compelled to deliver a temperance address every
time he plays _Rip Van Winkle,_ let us compel Mr. GREELEY to play "RIP"
every time he gives a temperance lecture. If the latter catastrophe were
to happen, the punishment of the Reforming Nuisances would be complete.

There are, however, plays which could be changed so as to terminate much
more naturally and effectively than they now do. For example, there is
_Enoch Arden._ At present ENOCH, when he looks through the window and
sees his wife enjoying herself with PHILIP in the dining-room,
immediately lies down on the grass-plat in the back-yard, and groans in
a most harrowing style,--after which he picks himself up, and, going
back to his hotel, dies without so much as recognizing his old friends