on guard four hours in sixteen; we must do something the rest of the
time." Sternly I bade them think of scrounging as a thing of the
past--a thing of glorious memory only to be spoken of round the fires
at home. If they wanted anything in the meantime to add to their
material comfort they were to come to me for it.

For let me tell you, all you demobilised wallahs who know only those
countries where the necessities of life were matters of private
enterprise--let me tell you that in this village, if I say that I
require coal, _coal is here_, and with it the Bürgermeister inquiring
politely if my needs are satisfied. We must have beds? The spare beds
of the village are forthcoming. If we want baths for the men, our
Mr. Carfax, who speaks a language which the inhabitants pretend to
understand, goes round to the householders and explains the necessity.
Should there be any difficulty he explains further that it would be
_much_ better, don't they think, and _much_ more convenient if the
men visited the houses, rather than that baths should be carried to
some central place? It is invariably found to be preferable for all
concerned.

Bathing has now become a pleasure to all, except, perhaps, to
Nijinsky, our Pole from Commercial Road, East. On being presented
(for the first time, I gather) to a first-class bathroom with geyser
complete, he evinced signs of great uneasiness. In fact he seemed to
think that this was making a parade of a purely private matter. The
Sergeant-Major, being called in, exhorted him to "get in and give the
thing a trial," at which Nijinsky flung up his hands in characteristic
fashion and said, "Vell, it's somethink fur nothink, anyhow," and
they left him to it. The rest of the story is concerned with his
turning off the water in the geyser and leaving the gas on, of a loud