* * * * *

[Illustration: _Father (bringing son home from party)_. "WELL, OLD
CHAP, WERE THERE PLENTY OF LITTLE GIRLS FOR YOU TO DANCE WITH?"

_Son (rather proud of himself)_. "OH, THERE WERE SOME KIDS ABOUT, BUT
_I_ DANCED WITH A GIRL OF SIXTEEN--AND, BY JOVE, SHE LOOKED IT."]

* * * * *

FREAKS OF FOOD-CONTROL.

Though Mrs. Midas shows a righteous zeal
In preaching self-control at every meal,
She never in her stately home forgets
To cater freely for her precious pets.

On cheese and soup she feeds her priceless "Pekie"--
Stilton and Cheddar, Bortch and Cocky-leekie;
And Max, her shrill-voiced "Pom," politely begs
For his diurnal dole of new-laid eggs.

Semiramis, her noble Persian cat,
Threatens to grow inelegantly fat
Upon asparagus and Shaker oats,
With milk provided by two special goats.

Meanwhile her governess subsists on greens,
Canned conger-eel or cod and butter-beans,