then I began to examine my own condition before God, and to determine how
the case stood between Him and my poor soul. And "there was the rub." I
had often excused myself, for frequent derelictions in duty, and often
wild and passionate outbreaks, on account of the hardness of my lot, and
the injustice with which I was treated, even in my best endeavors to do as
well as I knew how. But now, with death staring me in the face, I could
see that though I was a friendless "slave-boy," I had _not_ always done as
well as I knew how; that I had _not_ served God as I knew I ought, nor had
I always set a good example before my fellow-slaves, nor warned them as
well as I might, "to flee the wrath to come." Then I prayed my Heavenly
Father to spare me a little longer, that I might serve Him better; and in
His mercy and gracious goodness, He did so; though when the fever was
turning they gave me up; and I could hear them say, when they came to feel
my pulse, "he is almost gone," "it will soon be over," &c., and then
inquire if I knew them. I did, but was too weak to say so. I recollect
with gratitude, the kindness of Mrs. H.A. Townsend, who sent me many
delicacies and cooling drinks to soften the rigor of my disease; and
though I suppose she has long since "passed away" and gone to her reward,
may the blessing of those who are ready to perish, rest upon the
descendants of that excellent woman.

Capt. Helm was driving on in his milling, distillery and farming business.
He now began to see the necessity of treating his slaves better by far
than he had ever done before, and granted them greater privileges than he
would have dared to do at the South. Many of the slaves he had sold, were
getting their liberty and doing well.