got the worst woman in Ireland."

"Then I'll go and 'list for a sojer," said he.


_V.--Andy Gets Married a Third Time_


It was Father Phil that brought the extraordinary news to Squire Egan.

"Do you remember those two letters that Andy stole from the post-office,
and that someone burnt?" he asked, with a smile.

"I've been meaning to tell you, father, that one was for you," said the
squire, looking very uncomfortable.

"Oh, Andy let it out long ago," said the kindly old priest. "But the
joke is that by stealing my letter Andy nearly lost a title and a great
fortune. Ever heard of Lord Scatterbrain? He died a little time ago,
confessing in his will that it was he that married Mrs. Rooney, and
deserted her."

"So Handy Andy is now a lord!" exclaimed the squire, rocking with
laughter.

Andy took it like a true son of the wildest and most eccentric of Irish
peers. On getting over the first shock of astonishment, he broke out
into short peals of laughter, exclaiming at intervals, that "it was
mighty quare." When, after much questioning, his wishes in regard to his
new life were made clear, it was found that they all centred on one