"Sir I have the honour and the opportunity to write you a letter
and I am coming to ask you and to pray you perhapse perchance it
is possible to found for me employment for translator. I am verry
sorry and mutch vex grieve bother pester haras teass consequently
accordingly consequtivey I made you acknowledg may petion request
and to bid you peradvanture well you occpied me for 6 months with
a contract. I beg you verry mutch to anwer respond reply if that
letter I supose deeme concieve cogitate mediat when you will
received my letter you will respond me at once imadiatty from
your cervill and faitfull."

It is inferred that the would-be "translator" kept a dictionary at his
elbow and took no chances.

* * * * *

[Illustration: _Visitor_. "YOU FOUGHT WITH THE GALLANT 51ST DIVISION,
DID YOU NOT?"

_Scot_. "AY--D'YE MIND MY FACE?"

_Visitor_. "OH--NOT AT ALL."]

* * * * *

OUR BOOKING-OFFICE.

(_BY MR. PUNCH'S STAFF OF LEARNED CLERKS._)

I wonder if I am alone in a feeling of impatience and bewilderment