Vain Fortune by George (George Augustus) Moore
page 50 of 203 (24%)
page 50 of 203 (24%)
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was no bent towards suicide; and he scanned every horizon. Once again he
thought of his uncle. Five years ago he had written, asking him for the loan of a hundred pounds. He had received ten. And how vain it would be to write a second time! A few pounds would only serve to prolong his misery. No; he would not drift from degradation to degradation. He only glanced at the letter which Annie had brought up with the copy of _The Modern Review_. It was clearly a lawyer's letter. Should he open it? Why not spare himself the pain? He could alter nothing; and in these last days---- Leaving the thought unfinished, he sought for his keys; he went to his box, unlocked it, and took out a small paper package. Of the fifty pounds he had received from Ford about twenty remained: he had been poorer before, but hardly quite so hopeless. He scanned every horizon--all were barred. The thought of suicide, and with it the instinctive shrinking from it, came into his mind again. Suppose he took, that very night, an overdose of chloral? He tried to put the thought from him, and returned, a little dazed and helpless, to his chair. Had the critic in _The Modern Review_ told him the truth? Was he incapable of earning a living? It seemed so. Above all, was he incapable of finishing _The Gipsy_ as he intended? No; that he felt was a lie. Give him six months' quiet, free from worry and all anxiety, and he would do it. Many a year had passed since he had enjoyed a month of quiet; and glancing again at the letter on the table, he thought that perhaps at that very moment a score of gallery boys were hissing his play. Perhaps at that very moment Ford was making up his mind to announce the last six nights of _Divorce_. At a quarter to twelve he heard Rose's foot on the stairs. He opened the door. 'How did the piece go to-night?' 'Pretty well.' |
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