The landlady's daughter's piano
Is helping the concert along,
And my molars I break on the tenderloin steak
As I chew to that popular song.

The orchestra plays it,
The German band brays it,
'T is sung on the platform and stage;
All over the city
They're chanting the ditty;
At summer resorts it's the rage.
The drum corps, it beats it,
The echo repeats it,
The bass-drummer brings it out strong,
And we speak, and we talk,
And we dance, and we walk,
To the notes of that popular song.

It really is driving me crazy;
I feel that I'm wasting away;
My brain is becoming more hazy,
My appetite less every day.
But, ah! I'd not pray for existence,
Nor struggle my life to prolong,
If, up some dark alley, with him I might dally
Who wrote that new popular song.

The bone-player clicks it,
The banjoist picks it,
It 'livens the clog-dancer's heels;