TOO HANDSOME FOR ANY THING!


Mr. Ferdinand Fitzroy was one of those models of perfection of which
a human father and mother can produce but a single example,--Mr.
Ferdinand Fitzroy was therefore an only son. He was such an amazing
favourite with both his parents that they resolved to ruin him;
accordingly, he was exceedingly spoiled, never annoyed by the sight of
a book, and had as much plum-cake as he could eat. Happy would it have
been for Mr. Ferdinand Fitzroy could he always have eaten plum-cake, and
remained a child. "Never," says the Greek Tragedian, "reckon a mortal
happy till you have witnessed his end." A most beautiful creature was
Mr. Ferdinand Fitzroy! Such eyes--such hair--such teeth--such a
figure--such manners, too,--and such an irresistible way of tying his
neckcloth! When he was about sixteen, a crabbed old uncle represented to
his parents the propriety of teaching Mr. Ferdinand Fitzroy to read and
write. Though not without some difficulty, he convinced them,--for he
was exceedingly rich, and riches in an uncle are wonderful arguments
respecting the nurture of a nephew whose parents have nothing to leave
him. So our hero was sent to school. He was naturally (I am not joking
now) a very sharp, clever boy; and he came on surprisingly in his
learning. The schoolmaster's wife liked handsome children.--"What a
genius will Master Ferdinand Fitzroy be, if you take pains with him!"
said she, to her husband.

"Pooh, my dear, it is of no use to take pains with _him_."

"And why, love?"