case. The function of moppers-up is to collect souvenirs for the new
Great War Museum, to be housed in one of the four remaining London
hotels.

OBSERVER.--German minnenwerfer are not dangerous if their flight is
carefully watched, as they swerve to the left, and their landing-place
can thus be fairly accurately judged. Two varieties, however--the
windupwerfer and the hoppitwerfer--swerve to the right. The
googliwerfer swerves both ways.

SOCIABLE.--The correct method of dealing with snipers in a house is to
ring the front-door bell with the thumb and forefinger of the right
hand, at the same time smartly inserting a charge of cordite into the
letter-box with the left. Indents for postmen's uniforms for this
purpose should be rendered to D.A.D.O.S. in triplicate.

STATISTICIAN.--The world's record is held by the adjutant of the
pioneer battalion of the 371st Silesian Foot Regiment. There is
unimpeachable evidence to prove that he was heard drinking gravy soup
from a distance of 477 metres. The night was calm.

* * * * *

IF THE PAPER SHORTAGE INCREASES.

(_SOME FUTURE PRESS ITEMS._)

FICTION FAMINE IN THE PROVINCES.

From many districts come reports of great difficulty in obtaining