DEEP WATERS

By W.W. JACOBS




HUSBANDRY

Dealing with a man, said the night-watchman, thoughtfully, is as easy as
a teetotaller walking along a nice wide pavement; dealing with a woman is
like the same teetotaller, arter four or five whiskies, trying to get up
a step that ain't there. If a man can't get 'is own way he eases 'is
mind with a little nasty language, and then forgets all about it; if a
woman can't get 'er own way she flies into a temper and reminds you of
something you oughtn't to ha' done ten years ago. Wot a woman would do
whose 'usband had never done anything wrong I can't think.

I remember a young feller telling me about a row he 'ad with 'is wife
once. He 'adn't been married long and he talked as if the way she
carried on was unusual. Fust of all, he said, she spoke to 'im in a
cooing sort o' voice and pulled his moustache, then when he wouldn't give
way she worked herself up into a temper and said things about 'is sister.
Arter which she went out o' the room and banged the door so hard it blew
down a vase off the fireplace. Four times she came back to tell 'im
other things she 'ad thought of, and then she got so upset she 'ad to go
up to bed and lay down instead of getting his tea. When that didn't do
no good she refused her food, and when 'e took her up toast and tea she
wouldn't look at it. Said she wanted to die. He got quite uneasy till
'e came 'ome the next night and found the best part of a loaf o' bread, a