I remember a young feller telling me about a row he 'ad with 'is wife
once. He 'adn't been married long and he talked as if the way she
carried on was unusual. Fust of all, he said, she spoke to 'im in a
cooing sort o' voice and pulled his moustache, then when he wouldn't give
way she worked herself up into a temper and said things about 'is sister.
Arter which she went out o' the room and banged the door so hard it blew
down a vase off the fireplace. Four times she came back to tell 'im
other things she 'ad thought of, and then she got so upset she 'ad to go
up to bed and lay down instead of getting his tea. When that didn't do
no good she refused her food, and when 'e took her up toast and tea she
wouldn't look at it. Said she wanted to die. He got quite uneasy till
'e came 'ome the next night and found the best part of a loaf o' bread, a
quarter o' butter, and a couple o' chops he 'ad got in for 'is supper had
gorn; and then when he said 'e was glad she 'ad got 'er appetite back she
turned round and said that he grudged 'er the food she ate.

And no woman ever owned up as 'ow she was wrong; and the more you try and
prove it to 'em the louder they talk about something else. I know wot
I'm talking about because a woman made a mistake about me once, and
though she was proved to be in the wrong, and it was years ago, my missus
shakes her 'ead about it to this day.

It was about eight years arter I 'ad left off going to sea and took up
night-watching. A beautiful summer evening it was, and I was sitting by
the gate smoking a pipe till it should be time to light up, when I
noticed a woman who 'ad just passed turn back and stand staring at me.
I've 'ad that sort o' thing before, and I went on smoking and looking
straight in front of me. Fat middle-aged woman she was, wot 'ad lost her
good looks and found others. She stood there staring and staring, and by