My Brilliant Career by Miles Franklin
page 42 of 332 (12%)
page 42 of 332 (12%)
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and preach till you go black in the face, and still I'll hate it more
than ever. If I have to do it all my life, and if I'm cursed with a long life, I'll hate it just as much at the end as I do now. I'm sure it's not any wish of mine that I'm born with inclinations for better things. If I could be born again, and had the designing of myself, I'd be born the lowest and coarsest-minded person imaginable, so that I could find plenty of companionship, or I'd be born an idiot, which would be better still." "Sybylla!" said my mother in a shocked tone. "It is a wonder God doesn't strike you dead; I never heard--" "I don't believe there is a God," I said fiercely, "and if there is, He's not the merciful being He's always depicted, or He wouldn't be always torturing me for His own amusement." "Sybylla, Sybylla! That I should ever have nurtured a child to grow up like this! Do you know that--" "I only know that I hate this life. I hate it, I hate it, I hate it," I said vehemently. "Talk about going out to earn your own living! Why, there's not a woman living would have you in her house above a day. You are a perfect she-devil. Oh God!" And my mother began to cry. "What have I done to be cursed with such a child? There is not another woman in the district with such a burden put upon her. What have I done? I can only trust that my prayers to God for you will soften your evil heart." "If your prayers are answered, it's more than ever mine were," I retorted. |
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