JAMES'S HAIR APPARENT.--Everyone recognises ex-President JAMES, author
of the Whistlerian book on _The Gentle Art of Making Enemies_, by his
distinguished white lock just over his forehead. No one dare call this
"a white feather," as he has never shown it. Some people looked upon
it as caused by JAMES'S powder. This is not so. It may be correctly
described as an illustration of "Locke on the Understanding."

* * * * *

ELECTROPHONOSCOPIC CHAT.

(_A LITTLE OF IT, PICKED UP AT THE OFFICE._ A.D. 1900.)

There must surely be some mistake. Here, what's this? This old
toothless hag, without her wig, is unknown to me! And why does she
address me as "ARCHIBALD"? I was expecting to see my beloved ARAMINTA.

Excuse me, but I think we have been wrongly switched on. From your
description you seem to be having the interview I was expecting with
my dear good Grandmother. While this charming young Lady--But perhaps
you would like to see for yourself?

A thousand thanks! It is my own ARAMINTA! Pray let us change places,
and allow me to resign you your good Grandmother at once.

Ha! why does that poor Gentleman turn faint and stagger towards the
door in search of a little air? Let us ask the Postmistress.

She says he has just concluded a terrible interview with his Wife's
mother. But see, he has recovered himself and struck an attitude of