[Illustration: _Imperial Instrumentalist_ (_loquitur_). "WHAT, NOT
LIKE THE TONE OF IT? WELL, YOU _DO_ SURPRISE ME!!!"]

I fancied that this Instrument
Would make a great sensation
And that its music would content
The critics and the nation,
I know it is what vulgar folks
Christen the "Constant-screamer;"
I thought _you_'d scorn such feeble jokes;
It seems I was a dreamer.
You writhe your lips, you close your ears!
Dear me! Such conduct tries me.
You do not like it, it appears
Well, well,--you _do_ surprise me!

'Tis not, I know, the Jingo drum,
Nor the "Imperial" trumpet.
(The country to their call won't come,
However much you stump it.)
They're out of fashion; 'tis not now
As in the days of "BEAKEY."
People dislike the Drum's tow-row.
And call the Trumpet squeaky.
So I the Concertina try,
As valued friends advise me.
What's that you say? It's all my eye?
Well, well,--you _do_ surprise me!