play piano if required, with one finger, but prefers to be accompanied
by indefatigable friend, who plays entirely by ear, and if allowed to
smoke freely, can "pick up" any tune in a quarter of an hour. Seldom
breaks down or forgets words, except before large or unsympathetic
audience. Fetching comic "biz," and superlative Music-hall "chic."
Would have no objection to black face and appear at evening parties,
or in fashionable streets, with banjo (if provided with small police
escort.) Testimonials from several highly respectable relatives, now
in asylum, or under treatment at seaside.--Address, with terms, the
Hon. ALGERNON BRASSLEIGH CHEEKINGTON (or at Chimpanzee Chambers in
Piccadilly, W.)

* * * * *

SUGGESTION FOR REFORM IN PUBLIC SCHOOLS' SYSTEM.--"_Absence_" should
be called immediately after dinner, and then each boy, instead
of saying, "Here, Sir!" could reply, classically and correctly,
"_Adsum!_" Yours truly, AN OVER-ETON BOY.

* * * * *

[Illustration: LAT. 60° 8' N. LONG. 4° 30' E.

_Mr. Punch en route for the Midnight Sun. First glimpse of Norway._]

* * * * *

"THE CUP THAT CHE-(HIC)-ERS!"

The Total Abstainer staggered to his feet. The room seemed to be