It became again necessary to the family purse that every possible
saving be made. Accordingly, I was transferred from the main building,
where I had a private room and a special attendant, to a ward where I
was to mingle, under an aggregate sort of supervision, with fifteen or
twenty other patients. Here I had no special attendant by day, though
one slept in my room at night.

Of this ward I had heard alarming reports--and these from the lips of
several attendants. I was, therefore, greatly disturbed at the proposed
change. But, the transfer once accomplished, after a few days I really
liked my new quarters better than the old. During the entire time I
remained at the sanatorium I was more alert mentally than I gave
evidence of being. But not until after my removal to this ward, where I
was left alone for hours every day, did I dare to show my alertness.
Here I even went so far on one occasion as to joke with the attendant
in charge. He had been trying to persuade me to take a bath. I refused,
mainly because I did not like the looks of the bath room, which, with
its cement floor and central drain, resembled the room in which
vehicles are washed in a modern stable. After all else had failed, the
attendant tried the rôle of sympathizer.

"Now I know just how you feel," he said, "I can put myself in your
place."

"Well, if you can, do it and take the bath yourself," was my retort.

The remark is brilliant by contrast with the dismal source from which
it escaped. "Escaped" is the word; for the fear that I should hasten my
trial by exhibiting too great a gain in health, mental or physical, was
already upon me; and it controlled much of my conduct during the