[Illustration: "WHAT'S THAT THING YOU'VE GOT ON, ALBERT?"

"TRENCH COAT."

"BUT YOU'VE NEVER BEEN IN THE TRENCHES."

"I KNOW. THAT'S THE IDEA."]

* * * * *

LETTERS TO PEOPLE I DON'T KNOW.

_(No answers required, thank you.)_

_To Count Brockdorff-Rantzau, Head of the German Peace Delegation._

The enthralling volume, entitled _Preliminary Terms of Peace_, on
which your attention is being engrossed at the present moment, is said
to be of the same length as _A Tale of Two Cities_. In other respects
there is little resemblance traceable between the two works. A more
striking likeness is to be found between the present volume and a
document produced (also in the neighbourhood of Paris) by the late
Prince BISMARCK in 1871. On your return home, if the fancy appeals
to you, you might, out of these two publications, construct a very
readable romance and call it _Two Tales of One City_. I think this
would be a better name for it than _Vice-Versailles._

_To Signor Orlando_.

Apart from our love for Italy we are, of course, naturally