"'Jonesy will be powerful glad to see you,' says I.

"'Jonesy!' says she, surprised. 'Jonesy! Oh, is that what you
call Uncle Albert?'

"'Well, it does sometimes happen that way," says I. And then my
anti-George Washington blood rose again. 'You see, he was kind of
lonesome out there at first, and we took to calling him Jonesy to
cheer him up and make him feel at home,' I says.

"'Oh!' says she. And I reckon she didn't feel so horribly awful
about it, for after looking straight towards the Gulf of Mexico for
a minute, suddenly she bust right out and hollered. It seems that
Jones cut a great deal of grass to a swipe when he was back home in
his own street. It's astonishing how little of a man it takes to
do that in the East. We had an argument once on the subject.
'It's intellect does it,' says Silver Tompkins. 'Oh, that's it,
eh?' says Wind-River Smith. 'Well, I'm glad I'm not troubled that
way. I'd rather have a forty-four chest than a number eight head
any day you can find in the almanac.' And I'm with Smithy. This
knowing so much it makes you sick ain't any better than being so
healthy you don't know nothing, besides being square miles less
fun. Another thing about the Eastern folks is they're so sot in
their views, and it don't matter to them whether the facts bear out
their idees or not.

"'Here, take a cigar,' says one of the Board of Directors to me--a
little fat old man, who had to draw in his breath before he could
cross his legs--'them cigarettes'll ruin your health,' says he.
Mind you, he was always kicking and roaring about his liver or