matrimony by the Mormon Church, party of the first part, Mrs.
Scraggs, party of the second part, and E. G. W. Scraggs, party of
the third, last, and of no consequence whatsomever part--any man, I
repeat, who says Mrs. Scraggs would lie is no friend of her'n and
ought to be told so. But to restrain a nateral indignation at the
hint of such a charge and to proceed: I want to say that this
particular twenty-fourth of December I'm talkin' about came out so
much entirely different from what I expected that I can't seem to
forget it.

"There's something about Christmas that warms the heart and makes
the noblest and best of our sentiments to come to the surface for a
breath of fresh air. Yes, sir, there is, and they passed it around
in Peg-leg's place that afternoon so hot, sweet, and plentiful that
I hadn't been there more'n two hours before my feelin's had rose to
such a pitch that I went out and bought each' and every Mrs.
Scraggs a pair of number ten rubber boots, a pound of raisins, and
an accordion. The boots was useful; the raisins, of course, stood
for Christmas cheer; but what in thunder I bought the accordions
for I never knew afterward. I'd give a ten-dollar bill this minute
to know. It was a tremenjus idee at the time, but that's all I
recall of it. I sent the hull shootin'-match around to the house
by a small boy with a hand sleigh and a card sayin' 'Peace on
Earth' on top of it.

"After this, havin' done my duty by my fambly, as I saw it at the
time, I wandered into Mr. George Hewlitt's emporium of chance,
armed with six iron dollars and a gold collar-button. They took my
six dollars away from me as though I wasn't fit to be trusted with
'em, and then I sprung my collar-button for another stack. As far