myself at Peg-leg's, and the wad of that beautiful sensitive plant,
the long green, which was reposin' on my heart, says to me:
'Scraggsy, spring yourself--jump, boy, jump!'

"And furthermore, in the wildest dreams of my youth I had never
figgered on spendin' a cold and cloudy Christmas in the bosom of a
Presbyterian, Prohibition, Vegetarian Colony. It stood to reason
if I didn't do something to that colony the colony would do a thing
to Scraggs. I made up my mind that right here was where I jarred
Oggsouash to a finish.

"And further still, that poor little deluded, cold-potato-fed woman
was on my mind.

"'You mean,' says I to her--my eddication in the Mormon Church, and
what I learned about play-actin' in St. Looey, standin' me in handy
for manners--'that these here children, the offspring of cold water
and vegetables, is expected to pass to-morrow in prayer and
meditation, and be better for it?'

"'Yes, sir!' says she, impressed by my manners.

"'Well, then, madam,' says I, 'if you'll excuse my onprofessional
language, I'll say that that's a low-down, Scandahoovian outrage.'

"'Now,' says she, eager, 'that's just what I think.'

"'Madam,' says I, bowin', 'I'm enchanted to see such a spirit--I'll
think kindly of turnips from this day on. Let us prescribe for
ourselves once more--the directions say take one every three