Mrs. Pumpey couldn't be induced to take a drink of water unless it
was boiled, and as for spirited liquors--Oh, murder! Don't mention
it!

"As the Major entered I observed upon his person a kind of
uprightness that no sober man ever had, varied with quick little
steps sideways, for no good visible reason, and when he comes up to
the counter he grabs it with both hands and says, 'How do--gla'
meecher--hot, ain't it?'

"I admitted it was hot, told him I was glad to meet him, too, and
as this last wasn't no more than a plain lie I asked the lady quick
what we could do for her.

"Perfumery was wanted, so I passed the bottles out. Mrs. Major
would take a lady-like sniff and say, 'Dee-lee-shus! Ha-oow do
eeyou lieek that, Ma-JAW?'

"And when de major laid his hands on the right one of the numerous
bottles floatin' in the atmosphere about him he'd hold it a yard
off, give a snort like a buzz-saw striking a knot, and after a
minute's silence roar, 'Ain't that nice, b-y-y-y GOSH!' and slam
the bottle down.

"It was tryin' on the nerves. First place, the way he come out
with that 'b-y-y-y Gosh!' hit you in the pit of the stomach like
standin' alongside a bass-drum, and it was only a question of time
when he slammed one of them bottles through the show case. So I
flagged Hadds for help, and the two of us plied the lady with
perfumery so fast that the Major couldn't get his oar in, at which