"'Do? I don't care what you do, so long's you don't look so
aggravatin' useless. D'yer think this specimen of an officer and
gentleman appears to be--what in blazes is he doin' now?'

"'Don't abuse the poor cuss,' says I. 'He really couldn't help
it.' Then I had an inspiration. Several times in my life I've
been afflicted that way. 'See here,' says I, 'he took his dose
through the nose. Why don't you give him the remedy the same way?
Try a pinch of that Scotch snuff.'

"'Why, sure!' says Hadds. He'd tried anythin' at that stage of the
game.

"Well, dear friends and brothers, it ain't down in the
farmer-coop-here, nor no other agriculcheral reports, and I dunno
as you could bank on it in every case, but from what I see on this
occasion, if you ever happen to have a friend or relative that's
over-indulged in choreform and can't seem to recall himself, wait
till he takes a deep breath, and mix about an ounce of Scotch snuff
in his air supply. It may work wonders.

"'Hoor-rash-o!' says the Major, comin' to a sittin' position.
'Hoor-rash-o!' says he again, and then he went off like a pack of
firecrackers. A sneeze wouldn't more'n get fairly started before
another'd explode in the middle of it. And the Major was as
powerful a sneezer as he was talker. Gee! them bass sneezes of his
sounded like a freight-engine exhaust. Mind you, he didn't open
his eyes; just sat there, covered with carmine and soothin' syrup,
rockin' backward and forrard and sneezin' like George Washington.