not be meet. I am not a man of sufficient quality!" And now I must
bring this entry to a conclusion, for there is to be a theatrical
performance in the dining-hall. Little DAVID GARRICK is to play
the principal male character, while Mistress NELLIE GWYNE, Mistress
SIDDONS, and Mistress PEG WOFFINGTON, are also in the cast. The title
of the piece is _Hamlet_, and I am told it is written by a young man
new to Town. The name of the author is either SHAKSPEARE or SMITH. I
am not sure which, but think SMITH.

* * * * *

P.S.--Open my Diary once again. _Hamlet_ a poor piece. It is now
said that it was written by BACON or BUCHANAN. Of the former I know
nothing, and posterity must discover the identity of the latter.
For the rest, if again I am pressed to go to the Play--strap me!
but, comfortable as I am, I will pack up my traps, and be off from
Newgate--for ever!

* * * * *

THE REAL GRIEVANCE OFFICE.

(_BEFORE_ MR. COMMISSIONER PUNCH.)

_A SHAREHOLDER IN A GAS COMPANY INTRODUCED._

_The Commissioner_ (_sharply_). Well, Sir, what is it?

_Shareholder_. I have come to complain about the Gas Companies--