knowing their life lay in it, study this mysterious theme, and were not
in full conviction of soul, made to say, the more they promoved in this
study, and the more they descended in their divings into this depth, or
soared upward in their mounting speculations in this height, they found
it the more an unsearchable mystery! The study of other themes (which,
alas! many who think it below them to be happy, are too much occupied
in) when it hath wasted the spirits, wearied the mind, worn the body,
and rarified the brain to the next degree unto a distraction, what
satisfaction can it give as to what is attained, or encouragement as to
future attainments? And when, as to both these, something is had, and
the poor soul puffed up with an airy and fanciful apprehension of having
obtained some great thing, but in truth a great nothing, or a nothing
pregnant with vanity and vexation of spirit, foolish twins causing no
gladness to the father, "for he that increaseth knowledge increaseth
sorrow," Eccles. i. 18. What peace can all yield to a soul reflecting on
posting away time, now near the last point, and looking forward to
endless eternity? Oh the thoughts of time wasted with, and fair
opportunities of good lost by the vehement pursuings and huntings after
shadows and vanities, will torment the soul by assaulting it with
piercing convictions of madness and folly, in forsaking all to overtake
nothing; with dreadful and soul-terrifying discourses of the saddest of
disappointments, and with the horror of an everlasting and irrecoverable
loss. And what hath the laborious spirit then reaped of all the travail
of his soul, when he hath lost it? But, on the other hand, O what
calmness of mind, serenity of soul, and peace of conscience, because of
the peace of God which passeth all understanding, will that poor soul
look back, when standing on the border of eternity, on the bygone days
or hours it spent in seeking after, praying and using all appointed
means for some saving acquaintance with, and interest in this only soul
up-making, and soul-satisfying mystery; and upon its yielding up itself,