not the slightest doubt that even before that period my Emmeline will be
herself." Oh, Mary, I felt so very happy as she thus spoke, that I
thought I must find it very easy to conquer myself, but I was mistaken,
painfully mistaken; I had encouraged despondency and gloom for so long a
period, that it required every exertion, in the very least, to subdue
it. I had chosen to waste my time, and be inattentive to all the means
of improvement which were offered me, and to command my attention
sufficiently to regain the good opinion of our sage professors was most
disagreeably difficult; but I was no longer afraid, to encounter mamma's
sorrowful or reproving glance, as I had been before, and her fond
encouragement and the marks of approval which both she and papa
bestowed, when I could not but feel I had done little to deserve them,
lightened the labour of my task, and by causing me to wish earnestly to
deserve their kindness, increased my efforts; and at length, dearest
Mary, these miserable feelings so completely departed from me, that I
was surprised to perceive how very nearly I could be as happy in London
as at dear Oakwood; quite as happy is impossible, because I feel more
and more how very much I prefer a quiet domestic life in the country to
London and society. You will perhaps smile as mamma does, and say I am
not introduced yet, and then I may change my mind; but I do not think I
shall. She prefers the country, so it will not be very strange if I
should; but when I see how completely, and yet how cheerfully, she has
given up her favourite residence and employments, for the interests and
happiness of her children, I feel ashamed at the egregious selfishness
which has been mine. Oh, Mary, when shall I ever be like mamma? when can
I ever be worthy of half, nay, one quarter of that respectful admiration
which is bestowed upon her, even by those whose principles and conduct
are directly opposite?

In her conversations with me she had spoken more of the opinion of the