_Paterfamilias_ (_reading School Report_). "AH, MY BOY, THIS ISN'T SO
GOOD AS IT MIGHT BE. 'LATIN INDIFFERENT,' 'FRENCH POOR,' 'ARITHMETIC
NOTHING'?"

_Tommy._ "AH, BUT LOOK DOWN THERE, PAPA. '_HEALTH EXCELLENT'!_"]

* * * * *

TO A TRUMPETING DEMOCRAT.

[MR. ANDREW CARNEGIE, the Iron King and millionnaire of
Pittsburg, has been addressing big audiences in Scotland.
Amongst his remarks were the following:--"It is said that in
America, although we have no aristocracy, we are cursed with
a plutarchy. Let me tell you about that. A man who carries a
million dollars on his back carries a load.... When I speak
against the Royal Family I do not condescend to speak of
the creatures who form the Royal Family--persons are so
insignificant.... We laugh at your ideas in this petty little
country having anything to say to the free and independent
citizens who walk through Canada, Australia, and America.
You know how to get rid of a Monarchy. Brazil has taught
you."--&c., &c.]

CARNEGIE, pray take notice, since I know that it would blister
The thin skin of a democrat, I drop the title "Mr.,"
You have talked a lot of bunkum, all mixed up with most terrific cant.
But you truly said that "persons are so very insignificant;"
And the author of a speech I read, part scum and partly dreggy,
Is perhaps the least significant--that windbag named CARNEGIE.