But stay, I've hit upon a plan: We'll, first of all, relieve you
Of all your million dollars that so onerously grieve you;
Then, if some loud, conceited fool wants taking down a peg, he
Shall spend an hour or so in talk with democrat CARNEGIE.
For all men must admit 'twould be an act of mere insanity
To try to match this Pittsburger in bluster or in vanity.
And oh, when next our Chancellor is anxious for a loan, Sir,
He'll buy you in at our price, and he'll sell you at your own, Sir.
And if you don't like English air, why, dash it, you may lump it,
Or go and blow in other climes your most offensive trumpet!

* * * * *

ROBERT UP THE RIVER.

I atended on a Party larst week as went up the River (our nice little
Stream, as the aughty Amerrycanes calls it) to Ship Lake, tho' why
it's called so I coodn't at all make out, as there ain't no Ship nor
no Lake to be seen there, ony a werry little Werry, and a werry littel
River, and a werry littel Hiland; and it was prinsepally to see how
the appy yung Gents who sumtimes lives on the same littel Hiland, in
littel Tents, was a gitting on, as injuced all on us, me and all, to
go there. It seems that for years parst quite a littel Collony of
yung Gents as gets their living in the grand old Citty has been in the
habit of spending their littel summer Hollydays there, but, somehows
or other, as I coodn't quite understand, the master of the littel
Hiland made up his mind for to sell it, and all the yung Gents was in
dispair, and wundered where on airth they shood spend their Hollydays
in future. But they needn't have been afeard--there was a grand old
hinstitushun called "The Copperashun!" as had both their ears and both